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| Mother-Daughter Study Time! |
“How are you going to
manage school with a child?”
“Aren’t you worried that you’ll miss out on
your daughter’s childhood or not spend enough time with her?”
“Do you feel that being
a single mother puts you at a disadvantage?”
“How do you do it and
what keeps you going?”
These are the most common questions I receive from people
when they find out that I am a single mother with the goal of becoming a
physician. Sometimes the questions are asked out of pure curiosity, other times
the questions come from women in similar situations looking for advice, and
sometimes I feel these questions are asked in a way that is meant to dissuade
me from going further. Either way, I have been asked these questions so often
that I felt they needed their own post. Below is my attempt at answering them in the
most concise way possible.
“How are you going to manage school
with a child?”
While medical school will be a completely different level
than what I am used to, I feel that if I could manage both undergrad and grad
school with a child, I should be fine. For me, it has all been about finding a
balance. When my daughter was very young, my study time was scheduled around
nap times and late evenings. When she started attending school, we would study
together.
I will say that not being afraid to ask for help can be
instrumental to succeeding as a parent in school. I have had so many good
friends volunteer to babysit so that I could go out and have some free time,
and my professors were always very accommodating when I had child-related
issues pop up. Being a single mother does not mean that you have to do it
alone. There are so many excellent resources available that can help, but it
really is up to you to utilize them.
As I have mentioned before, I am also lucky enough to have someone
coming along on the journey with me to help out, and I will also be moving to
an area that is close to my family. I know how hard it is to do everything
alone, and although I’d like to think I’m quite good at it, I’m definitely
bringing in the reinforcements this time around.
“Aren’t you worried that you’ll miss
out on your daughter’s childhood or not spend enough time with her?”
If everything works out the way I want it to, my daughter
will getting ready to graduate from high school by the time I have completed my
medical residency. Will I miss out on some pivotal moments in her childhood?
Probably. Will it be the end of the world? Nope.
I make it a point to spend as much quality time with my
daughter as possible. I might not be with her every waking moment, but it’s the
little things that count. We talk to each other about our days, have set
mommy/daughter bonding times, and she isn’t afraid to come talk to me and let
me know if she has problems. Right now, she’s happy, but if she wasn’t, then we
would sit and take the time to find a happy medium. I have made her aware of my
dreams and goals, and we have talked about the consequences that may come as a
result. I have pretty much been working and attending school since she was
born, so she is used to not having me around all the time.
“Do you feel that being a single
mother puts you at a disadvantage?”
In my opinion, being a mother gives me a slight advantage
over my peers. In college, I did not have the luxury of sleeping in and doing
whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted, because I had a small child to look
after. This taught me responsibility and time management. Not only have I had
to manage my time wisely, but I had to easily adapt when things did not go as
planned (i.e. sick child, no babysitter during night exam, etc). I think I have
become pretty efficient at managing a million things at once, and I’ve already
had the role of having to care for and take responsibility over the well-being
of another person. That is something that I will have to do constantly as a physician,
so I feel like I already have the advantage of a little practice. I tend to be
very optimistic and I can usually find a lesson in everything, so in my
opinion, there are more advantages to being a student-parent than
disadvantages.
“How do you do it and what keeps you
going?”
I don’t know why, but every time I get asked this question I
feel completely stumped. People tend to ask me how I manage motherhood with
everything else as if there is some secret to it. In all honesty, it is not
something that I really think about. When something needs to be done, I just do
it. If I don’t do it, then no one else will. There are no timeouts or days off.
Being a parent is a 24/7 job with very little reward.
Knowing that my child is watching my every move is what
keeps me going. I want her to know that with hard work anything is possible in
life as long as you’re willing to put in the effort. I have always stressed the
importance of education, and I am practicing what I preach so to speak. If I
stop then she will think that quitting is an option, and I refuse to raise a
child who thinks that it is acceptable to give up on your dreams.
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