Match Week 2019: Part One

Last year's email since I didn't receive one this year

If you've been following my blog for a while, then you already know I did not initially match into a categorical residency position last year. Instead after a day spent going through the AOA Scramble (click HERE for the original post), I ended up signing a one-year contract for a general surgery based Traditional Rotating Internship with the intent to re-apply for a categorical surgery position and hopefully match this year. Welp, the 2019 Match is officially over, and even after going through the NRMP SOAP process, I remain unmatched. This post is not meant to be a sympathy or sob story though, but rather a recap of my Match Week experience. Afterwards, I will follow up with a post on why I continue to feel blessed and remain positive despite any odds that appear to be stacked against me.

The Start of Match Week

Going into that Monday, I actually knew that I would not be matching this year. The interviews I received were from programs not participating in the National Resident Matching Program (NRMP) match, and the final program I interviewed at called me three days before the match to let me know that they would not be offering me a position. While I was initially upset at the news, I was also extremely thankful to have been given a heads up so I could prepare for a rough week ahead.

Unfortunately, since I am a resident, I could not take off work during match week to go through the process. I came to work Monday morning around 530am, rounded, wrote notes, and while I let my senior resident know that I would need time to make calls, I was still tasked with covering a case in the OR that morning. Fortunately, it was an enjoyable case that only took two hours (I love a good mastectomy), and I was back in my call room in time to log into the NRMP system and obtain the list of unfilled programs so that I could submit my applications before the programs could start reviewing them.

The SOAP Process

I was definitely not prepared for how different the entire SOAP process was from the DO match! For one, I NEVER received the "You did not match" email, which I thought was completely odd. Fortunately, I knew which website to log into because I received the email last year when I unranked all my ACGME programs after signing my TRI contract, but I thought it was extremely weird that it never came. Also, during the DO scramble, the list of unfilled programs is released at 10am, and you can directly start calling programs at 12pm. In the NRMP match, you are not allowed to have any contact with programs outside of submitting your application through Electronic Residency Application Service (ERAS) and then waiting on them to contact you. You simply are given an allotment of 45 programs to apply to and you go on to submit your application the same way you would when applying normally. Afterwards, programs are allowed to call and do phone interviews and the first round of offers occur at 12pm the next day, followed by a second round 2 hours later and a third round the following day. The SOAP then ends on Thursday at 12pm, and applicants can contact programs directly in a similar fashion as the DO scramble, or if you're one of the lucky ones, you have a known spot secured just in time for Friday Match Day celebrations.

NRMP/ERAS HEADACHE

The entire SOAP process this year did not follow the typical schedule at all! Even worse, there were absolutely no categorical general surgery positions listed, which meant that the best case scenario for anyone interested in surgery going through the SOAP this year would be matching into a one-year preliminary general surgery position. Starting from the beginning, when submitting applications on Monday, it took what seemed like forever just to submit one application. Apparently, this was the case for many people, and ERAS ended up extending the time for applicants to submit materials before program directors could access the applications. Unfortunately, the system still continued to experience issues and was shut down completely later that evening. The next day, there were even more issues especially with programs not being able to access applications, so ERAS was shut down once again. It was completely nerve-wrecking waiting for phone calls (especially while being scrubbed into cases) only to find out at the end of the day that none would be coming. The technical difficulties also caused ERAS to take away one of the SOAP rounds and gave programs less time than usual to review applications before submitting offers. It was a pain for everyone involved.

When the final round concluded on Thursday, I had not received any interviews or offers, and all I could do was wait for 3pm to occur (that's when they released the list of unfilled programs) so I could start cold-calling programs around the country. Unfortunately, many of the places I called either did not pick up the phone, had a busy signal, or had already filled their empty spots. I also sent emails to many programs, and did not receive responses. I think this is when the reality set in that I was officially unmatched. I can't quite describe what my feelings were at this point, but if I had to put words to it, I would say it was a mix of feeling rejected, sad, angry, numb, and relieved all at once. I was sad being at work around the surgery residents and attendings who don't have to worry about their surgery dreams disappearing, angry at what I felt at the moment had been a waste of a year, numb to the pain because I was at work and needed to focus on my patients instead of my own feelings, and I was relieved that the SOAP process was over.

Fortunately, the negative feelings didn't last long, and I ended the week with plenty of reasons to feel happy and blessed. I figured it would be better to separate the negative from the positive, so part two of this post will highlight some of the reasons for my positivity, and I'll also be sure to give further insight into the next steps on my journey...

Intern Year Update: What Month Is It Again?!?!

Random pic of things you run into while in South Philly lol

I've been super busy, making it a while since my last post, but thankfully everything is going great. I'm even happier now than when I first started intern year, and I think I'm finally starting to adjust to my new role. Last week, I finished my fourth month of general surgery, and tomorrow I will be off service for two months while I complete both an Emergency Medicine and Internal Medicine rotation. It will definitely be a change in pace as I won't have to wake up at 3 or 4am every day, and I'll have a lot more free time than what I'm used to, but I gladly welcome the change. Plus, I'll be taking my two-day final medical board licensing exam in December and it's officially residency interview season again, so the change will give me time to both travel and study.

When the surgery team runs 10-15 deep

As for surgery life, I truly can't get enough of it! Over the past few months, I've had the opportunity to scrub into some awesome cases, work with wonderful individuals, and every day I am blown away by how much I am not only learning, but actually retaining. When I first started, I could barely remember a patient's name, but now I sometimes surprise myself with how much information I am able to provide about any given patient when asked. I even got to place my first chest tube recently, and ran my first trauma. The past few months have been super fast paced, and it seemed like there was something new every day that gave me the chance to learn and constantly stay on my feet. I won't lie and say that the past few months have been all happiness and smiles, as the hours have been long and the stress levels always high, but even during the rough moments, it's hard not to smile at the fact that I am getting the chance to live my dreams right now.

Love my daughter!

Outside of working and devoting most of my time to taking care of my patients, I've also made sure to continue to make time for my personal well-being. Whether it has been flying to see my daughter during a golden weekend, or going to the movies on a post-call day, I always make a little time each week to do something that makes me happy. It's amazing how one day of normalcy can brighten up an entire week!

Things I do when I have free time

Tomorrow, I start the first day of my emergency medicine month and after my shift I will continue to stay to complete a full twenty-four hours since I am also required to take internal medicine call this month. I haven't even started yet and it's already a drastic change as I had today off (my first non post-call weekday off since starting residency in June!), and I don't begin my shift until 9:30 tomorrow morning. Usually, I've pre-rounded, rounded, and finished up a quick case by that time! Working somewhat regular hours is definitely going to be a huge adjustment for me, and I'm not looking forward to actually having to sit through traffic in the morning, but I'm excited to submerge myself into a different subset of medicine and learn something new.

That pretty much sums up my life for the past couple of months. Nothing too fancy or exciting. Just working and taking time to enjoy the rare moments when I actually get free time. Since I won't be working super crazy hours over the next couple of months, I plan on posting a bit more, so if there's anything you want me to write about, feel free to let me know. Otherwise, I hope everyone reading this has a fantastic week!

Month One of Intern Year: An Update

Official "long white coat" pic

Happy Tuesday! Today marks exactly one month since I made the move to Philadelphia to begin my journey as a resident physician. It's definitely been a month full of ups and downs, but for the most part, I can say that the transition into my new role has been a pretty smooth one. When I wrote my last post, I had just completed my first week of intern year. Now I am in the middle week four (yep, my program started a week earlier than the July 1st start date that most people usually expect), and I'm finally starting to adjust to the new life.

My second week of intern year was a pretty good one. I switched to a much lighter surgery service on July 1st, and after being on acute care surgery my first week, it was a welcome relief. Instead of constant ER consults and emergency cases, this month has pretty much consisted of elective cases and taking care of post-op patients. Plus, during my second week, I not only had the 4th of July off, but a Golden Weekend! For those who aren't familiar with the term, that means I had both Saturday and Sunday off. Plus, I was post call on July 6th, so it was more like having a three day weekend. I've even had time to do my surgery readings. Sooo glorious! I'll be back on acute care at the end of the month, so I'm making sure to take advantage of being able to breathe right now.

Surgery essentials

During week two, I finally had the chance to get back in the operating room. Intern year mostly involves a lot of floor work such as rounding, writing notes, taking calls from nurses, responding to pages, etc., so being in the operating room is a nice treat. My first case was a neck mass excision. Not a long case, but made me so happy! And last week, I had even more happiness, as I got to go to the OR three times! My first case (and my favorite so far this year) was an extended laparoscopic right hemicolectomy. In layman's terms, we took out a person's right colon using a scope. This was my favorite case because the senior residents were away at orientation and I got to be first assist on the case. As a medical student, I never did much outside of working the camera and closing the patient, so it was super exciting being given the opportunity to make incisions, work tools such as the bovie, laparoscopic grasper, and linear cutter, and then do a large portion of the skin closing. My other cases last week were a back mass excision, and then while on call Saturday, an emergency laparoscopic cholecystectomy (ie we removed a gallbladder). Outside of the OR, I've done a few bedside procedures such as abscess incision and drainage, so I'm constantly having little happy moments that remind me why I love surgery.

Outside of the small happy moments, intern year so far has been all about adapting and adjusting to the unknown. It seems that most people tend to struggle with this, but it hasn't been too bad of an adjustment for me (but then again, I also haven't started trauma service yet, LOL). I have this weird theory that being a parent has somewhat prepared me for the year which is why I haven't struggled with the transition as much as I've been hearing other interns in various specialties say they do. Before you brush me off as crazy, just think about it. New parents are constantly sleep-deprived, working to keep their new little person alive, always worrying if they're doing the right things, afraid of failure, on a steep learning curve, and desperately trying to ensure they have a life outside of just being a parent. Starting residency is basically the same thing. The exception being you are now responsible for multiple lives, and the struggle is having a life outside of being a doctor. See what I mean?

On the grind!

With that being said, having went through the struggle of being a single parent and juggling a million different tasks on a daily basis, I've learned a lot about time management over the years and making time for important things. Work-life balance has always been super important to me, so since starting intern year, I've made sure to take full advantage of my post call days and the rare times when I get a full day off. My next post will be all about that balance and life outside the hospital, but for now, I just wanted to let everyone know that I'm still alive, grinding, and trying to learn as much as I can. My next post will have all the fun stuff, so stay tuned!

Graduation Week 2018: Dinner Dance and My Little One’s Graduation

Graduation dinner happiness

The second day of graduation week was reserved for the annual dinner dance held for graduating students in all programs. This was an awesome day, not just because of the dance, but because my daughter officially graduated from the fifth grade! I can’t believe I am now the mother of a sixth grader, but I am so incredibly proud of my child and all her accomplishments.

My daughter is officially a sixth grader!

The actual event started with a nice dinner, and of course, a lot of pictures were taken. The dinner was followed by an award component, and even though I knew I was an award recipient, I was surprised to hear my name announced since my award reception would take place the following day. When my name was called, “God’s Plan” by Drake started to play, which I thought was the perfect song for me! I couldn’t help but dance a little as I walked across the dance floor to receive my award, but unfortunately, I can’t remember who caught a picture of it to share.

#BlackExcellence

Another awesome thing about the dinner, other than getting to party with all my classmates (and even professors) in the same room for one last time, was getting to see our official class of 2018 banners displayed. These banners not only had our names complete with the new “DO” title, but they also showed the residencies we matched into along with the locations. I was so happy to see my classmates match into various fields such as urological surgery, internal medicine, family medicine, general surgery, and orthopedic surgery, just to name a few. I was even more shocked to see that one decided to take on an assistant professor position at an out-of-state college. Exciting futures are ahead for all us, and I am so proud of my classmates!

Loving my new title! #DoctorStatus

Overall, I’m really glad I attended the dance, and it was a great way to have fun and celebrate as graduation approached. My next post will highlight my favorite part of graduation week: receiving the Mason W. Pressly Memorial Medal Award.

Women Docs!

Graduation Week 2018: A Letter to My Future Self

A Letter to my Future Self

During medical school orientation week four years ago, the staff had each of us write letters to our future graduating selves. They held onto these sealed letters, and on the first day of graduation week, the staff gave them back to us. My letter was super uplifting and made me smile. I even loved my super positive outlook on surgery back then, and how I knew that despite how match would go, surgery would remain my passion to this very day. Since I didn’t write anything too personal or crazy about myself, I figured I would share. Dated 8/15/14, it reads:

Hey Dr. Ward,

Guess what? You’ve made it! You finally accomplished your dreams of becoming a doctor and you are now on the way to the residency of your dreams. Despite the many obstacles you faced including raising a young child throughout school, you persevered and didn’t let anything stop you. I am so proud of you! Tiana is proud of you too, and she appreciates the sacrifices you made to get to this point and raise her to be the most independent and strong-willed pre-teenager that she has become.

At the time of this letter, you feared you would fail and disappoint those who believed in you. Med school was probably one of the hardest things that you have ever done in your life and you survived! You are now on your way to becoming one of the world’s best surgeons, and hopefully you matched into an amazing plastic surgery program that will take you far. If you changed your mind on plastics, I know you are still going into surgery regardless of the specialty and YOU WILL BE GREAT! I love you and take the time to enjoy this moment, because another long hard road lies ahead. But guess what, you will succeed and I’m proud of ya!

 -Danielle M. Ward

P.S. The cheddar cheese stains are from that awesome popcorn at orientation! LOL

There you have it! Even though the road ahead will be long and hard, I look forward to the ride and eventually achieving my goal of becoming a surgeon. I just might even write another letter to myself before beginning intern year in a few weeks to see if my outlook has changed a year from now. Up next, I’ll share highlights from day two of graduation week.

Getting Closer to the Finish Line

All smiles at pursuing my dreams :-)

I’m Baaaaaccckkkk!!!! There are no words to express how busy, stressful, and hectic the past few months have been, but I continue to enjoy every moment and chance I spend continuing to strive for my dreams. I’ve prayed for a long time just to have a chance at the opportunity to start the path towards medicine, and now that I’m here I’m going to embrace every second of it. In a little over five months, I will be Dr. Ward, and that alone is a reason to smile.

A pic that sums up the last several months of my life perfectly

I’m not going to lie and say it has been all rainbows and sunshine over the past few months, because at times it has been far from it. I recently completed the last of my general surgery audition/away rotations, and while it was an amazing experience traveling to different states and experiencing different residency programs, I am so happy to be finished. Having to be on 24/7 while people constantly judge your skills, knowledge, and actions is beyond stressful. Plus, being around other exceptional students who are always on top of their game is enough to foster feelings of self-doubt and inadequacy. If I learned only one thing the past few months, it is that I don’t know much of anything. Nevertheless, I have utilized these experiences as learning opportunities, and I feel I have grown tremendously in both my skill set and knowledge base. Plus, I am not afraid to put in the work and do whatever I need to do to make sure I learn everything I need to care for my patients.

Missing my little love

Another thing that no one tells you about fourth year is that it can get pretty lonely. I have spent the past few months in some places where I knew absolutely no one. Not really a problem since 90% of my time was spent in the hospital, but I definitely enjoyed the times when I was able to run into classmates and hang out for a little bit. Plus, I had to be away from my daughter only seeing her in person maybe three times since July, and this was soooo weird for me! I went from seeing her every day and only being apart for maybe a month each year during the summer when she went to spend time with my parents, to only being able to interact with her through video chat. I think it was more of an adjustment for me than her, since she is used to me being busy anyway, but it was definitely bittersweet to see how happy she was that I wasn’t around. Bitter because she really didn’t miss me that much, but sweet because she was constantly surrounded by people who spoiled and made her feel loved. It’s a blessing to have a child who is not only supportive of my dreams, but who doesn’t get upset in my absence and continues to be happy and do well. I literally have no reason to complain, but I would be lying if I said I didn’t experience mommy guilt from time to time. I will say that the major highlight of the past few months was taking a weekend off to fly and surprise my daughter for her birthday last month. It was such a feel good moment, and I was happy to have my sister there to capture it on video which you can see below:

Now that I am finished with audition rotations, the only things left to do are have a successful interview season, match into a great residency program (prayers requested!), finish out rotations, and graduate! The coming months will be both exciting and somewhat scary, but I look forward to the ride :-)

Since I didn’t have time to detail my experiences in Delaware, my next post will be a recap of my month there since I was blessed with some pretty phenomenal experiences that deserve a separate post. I have a bit more free time now, so I will make sure to type it up in the coming days. Until then, I hope everyone reading this has a wonderful week!

Cheers to a Great 2016!!!!

2016 was an amazing year for me! I celebrated 29 years of life, became National President-Elect of the Student National Medical Association, passed step 1 of both the MD and DO medical board exams, delivered my first baby, assisted with operations, had the ongoing support of my awesome family and friends, met many new wonderful individuals, and continued to raise the BEST daughter ever! The #2016bestnine app didn't do my year any justice, so I created my own, but even this collage really doesn't convey the awesomeness of the year. Why? Because I consider every moment of the year that I was living, able to inspire, and still on the path to pursuing my dreams a great moment. Every year gets better and better, so I can't wait to see what 2017 has in store! 😄

My Instagram caption says it all, and I can’t believe we’ve reached the end of another year! 2016 flew by fast, but it was filled with so many amazing moments. It’s interesting when I see social media posts talking about how horrible the year was, because honestly, for me, it was a great year! I was able to get out of my comfort zone, challenge myself, explore new heights, and wake up every day thankful and blessed for another chance to get it right. I hope those of you reading this were able to find the positivity and joy within the year as well. 

2017 is looking to be yet another busy, but fulfilling year, and I can’t wait to share it all with those of you reading this. New milestones will be accomplished, many connections will be made, and hopefully I will continue to inspire and show my love and appreciation to all those around me. Wishing everyone a very safe and happy New Year’s Eve, and a mind-blowing 2017...See ya next year!

Happy Birthday to Me!!!!!

Celebrating 29 years with a delicious Chantilly cake!

I’m officially 29 years old today, and yet I don’t look a day over 21! LOL! In all seriousness, I am just extremely happy and blessed to see another year. My goal is always to make each year better than the last, so this year will be no exception. I hope to inspire more, learn more, live more, and never be afraid to step out of my comfort zone :-)

A very humorous birthday card from my daughter

As for birthday celebrations, I will be spending the day studying for tomorrow’s final reproductive exam. Last year, I think I spent my entire birthday studying for an exam as well, but knowing that this will be the last birthday I spend locked in my room trying to memorize PowerPoint slides is priceless! In just a few months I will be transitioning from classroom learning to hospital-based rotations, and I couldn’t be happier.  I’m definitely looking forward to all the new experiences this year has in store :-) The above picture is part of a homemade birthday card that my daughter made for me today, and the bottom right part still has me cracking up! I am truly blessed to have a child who not only understands the sacrifices I have to make with this journey, but who does her best to always keep me smiling.

Welp, back to studying I go, but as always, wishing everyone a fantastic week!

Stay Warm, Folks!!!!

Friday Selfie :-)

Happy Friday!!!! I know I said I would do a post last weekend, but nothing really noteworthy has happened since I last wrote. I took my first reproductive exam and managed to do fairly well on it, so I treated myself with a two day break last weekend of absolutely nothing school or board exam related. After about 24 hours, I was bored out of my mind! LOL The boredom quickly faded after that when I spent the next two days preparing for my OMM written exam and practical, which I took on Wednesday. Those two exams completely wore me out, and I’m still kicking myself in the head for my performance during the practical exam. Hopefully when I get the results back next week it will show that I didn’t perform too bad. The odd thing is I probably practiced for this one more than any other practical, but my tendency to over analyze everything most likely got in the way this time. Oh well, it’s not the end of the world, nor the end of the course. Plus, my daughter enjoyed bonding with me while I used her as a patient for practice :-)

My Favorite OMM Patient :-)

Outside of that, I am currently at home staying warm and happy! They closed my campus at 1:30 today and then my daughter’s school ended up having a ten minute early dismissal. It’s cold, raining, and the temperature is supposed to drop below freezing tonight, so staying in and staying warm is a no-brainer for us. I also got a new library book, so I’m really hoping to get all of my studying done early so I can relax a little and enjoy it. I hope everyone reading this has a wonderful weekend, and to those of you braving the storm in the Northeast, please stay warm and safe this weekend!

Closing Out 2015!

NYE 2015 Happiness :-)

Wow! I can’t believe it’s the last day of 2015! It doesn’t even feel like a whole year has flown by. This has been an extremely busy, yet rewarding year for me, and I am super happy to end it so that I can see what amazing things 2016 has I store.

If I had to pick one word to describe me in 2015, I would have to choose “blessed.” It’s probably something I say every year, but there’s just no other way to describe it. I was blessed to be able to continue on my journey to becoming a physician, blessed to continue to have a healthy and happy child, and blessed for the many experiences and lessons learned throughout the year. Every year just gets better and better, and this year was no exception. I just pray that I can continue to learn, grow, and inspire in 2016 and beyond.

Tonight, I plan on ending the year by entering into my happy zone which involves a good book and a bottle of wine :-) I honestly can’t remember the last time I was able to read for pleasure, so I am super excited for tonight. The book I will be reading is called In Stitches: A Memoir by Anthony Youn, MD. It took an extensive internet search, followed by a visit to my local library to get it, since it wasn’t in stock anywhere in the area, so I hope it’s worth the read! Tomorrow I will make the trip back to my parents’ to spend the new year with them and my daughter before bringing her back to our normal routine, but tonight, I relax.

Wishing everyone a very safe and enjoyable New Year’s Eve and an even happier, wonderful, and prosperous New Year! 

The Weeknd Fall Madness Tour, Star Wars, and Rotation Results!!!!

Sisterly Love!

The past week has been absolutely crazy, but soooo much fun!!!! A few months ago I got some really good tickets to see The Weeknd, and since my sister loves his music just as much as I do, she jumped at the opportunity to come to town and see him with me. The only catch was she had to stay the entire week and bring my daughter back with her to my parents’ house since I have exams this week and the little one doesn’t have school. She didn’t put up much of a fight on that one though, and it was great having her here. It really is amazing how much my daughter leaves me alone when my sister is around, and I really enjoyed having her here. I’m currently trying to convince her to come live with me (free babysitting!!!!), but she absolutely hates the Atlanta traffic, and won’t budge :-( Anyway, the concert was great and I included my favorite pictures at the end of this post :-)

Embracing My Inner Princess Leia

On Thursday, I went to see Star Wars: The Force Awakens and I took it as an opportunity to embrace my inner Princess Leia. I think I pulled it off very well….What do you think? Lol The movie was great, and I won’t ruin it for anyone who hasn’t seen it yet, but I highly recommend it. After that, I locked myself in my room for the entire weekend and my sister took the little one out of town so I could focus. It definitely paid off, because today I received a great grade on my endocrine exam despite all the fun I had last week.

The Med School Study Grind!

In addition to having a great exam today, I also found out where I will be next year for clinical rotations! This was something that was stressing me out, so I am happy that I finally know. I’m even more excited that I got my first choice, which was the Northeast Metro Atlanta area, and I don’t have to move!!!! Rotation spots were done by way of a lottery, and I was so worried that I would have to find a new place, have my daughter change schools, and figure out how I would handle being on call next year and not knowing anyone in the area who could swing by and help when needed. I was also stressing about moving expenses (which the school does not provide) and the fact that I would most likely have to handle all of this around the same time I take my board exams. It literally feels like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders! This was something that I knew I had no control over, so I just prayed about it and put it all in God’s hands and it worked out perfectly. I know I would have made the best of anywhere I was assigned, but this definitely makes life a lot easier for me, and my daughter was really happy about the news as well.

6 Months Away from My Medical Board Exams!

But anyway, that’s about it for me. I have a small exam tomorrow, and then I’ll be officially free!!!! I started my board study schedule two weeks ago though, so I’ll be staying on top of my questions throughout the break. I am now 166 days away from my first exam date, and I’m not taking any chances with these exams! I’ll try to do another post before I drive to my parents’ house later this week, but if not, I hope everyone has a very Merry Christmas and overall Happy Holidays!   

The Weeknd Fall Madness Tour

The Weeknd!!!!

The Weeknd and Travis Scott

Halsey!!!!

Travis Scott!!!!

It's My Two Year Blogiversary!!!!

I can’t believe it has been two years since I first started this blog! Yep, another year has passed, and I still haven’t run out of things to write about! LOL I just wanted to give all my readers a huge virtual hug and an even bigger thank you for continuing to stick it out with me these past couple of years. I started this blog with the goal of inspiring and letting other people out there know that it really is possible to accomplish any dream, and I hope I have done and will continue to do a good job of that. Even though my schedule is a lot more hectic (which leads to less frequent posts than when I first started the blog), I still look forward to the moments when I can get on here and type out all my random thoughts. Blogging makes me happy and reading all the uplifting comments I receive from my readers makes me even happier :-) So thank you, thank you, thank you, and please keep reading!!!! I look forward to continuing to share this journey with you all. 

#StayMadAbby but I'll Stay Great :-)

I skipped my senior year of high school and attended Kennesaw State University full-time as part of their Joint Enrollment Honors Program. I had a baby my sophomore year of college, went through a divorce, and STILL managed to graduate with my class with a Bachelor of Science degree in Biochemistry and a minor in Chemistry from Louisiana State University. Later, I received my Master of Science degree in Biochemistry from the University of Saint Joseph. Now, I am 2 years away from receiving my Doctor of Osteopathic Medicine degree from Philadelphia College of Osteopathic Medicine - Georgia Campus. So, how's that for a slow track? ‪#‎StayMadAbby ‪#‎ByeScalia

If you follow me on any form of social media, then you’ve already seen the above picture and comment that I posted in response to the Supreme Court case involving Abigail Fisher and the University of Texas Austin. Typically, I’m not one to post anything political or news-related to the blog, but I just couldn’t help myself when it came to this issue.

In case you are not aware of what I am talking about, Abigail Fisher was rejected from UT Austin back in 2008 and decided to sue the school on the basis that she was rejected because of her race (she’s white), and the school’s affirmative action policy allowing a minority to take what she believed to be her spot at the school. Never mind the fact that she didn’t actually have the GPA or stats to get accepted into the school in the first place. In the case of Justice Scalia, he cited a brief earlier this week that said something along the lines of blacks should attend “slower track” schools where they can have a chance of doing well. I won’t get into all the specifics here, but what I have written is to just give you an idea of the background. You can Google the rest if you’re interested.

So why did I feel compelled to put in my two cents? It’s simple really. Most of my life people have thought most of my accomplishments have come from being given a hand up due to my race. This is probably especially true now when people learn that I am in medical school despite having extremely low undergraduate stats. If you've been reading my blog from the beginning, then you already know that there is a lot to my background that contributed to some of my low stats, and that my numbers don't even tell half of the story. But to hush up all the naysayers, I’ll just say this: All my accomplishments are the result of hard work and dedication, so for anyone to think I made it this far by taking the spots of "more deserving" people is pure BS! My stats may have been low during my undergraduate years, but I was doing more and going through more than most people. Find me a person who can raise a child as a single mother (without the help or money of their family), work two jobs, stay heavily involved in extracurricular activities, AND maintain a high GPA while pursuing one of the hardest degrees at their university, and I’ll shut up, LOL. There is nothing “slow” about the track that I have been on, and if anyone feels that I might have taken their spot either in college, grad school, or medical school, then they should probably take a second to stop and check their unspoken privilege at the door. So go ahead and stay mad, Abby, because I am going to go ahead and continue to be great. 

Medicine and Mount Everest

I successfully finished the first term of my second year of medical school, which means that last week was my vacation week, and tomorrow I go back to reality. Having the week off, you would think I would have embraced the opportunity to be as lazy as physically possible, but I managed to stay busy with board studying and an entire checklist that I had been putting off due to classes. I also spent this weekend driving back and forth out of state to drop my daughter off at my parents’ house so that she can have a fun Thanksgiving break while I attend mandatory lectures this week:-/

Despite staying fairly busy, I did make it a point to take a few hours every day to completely relax. I love movies, so I pretty much used this time every day to watch a different movie. One of the movies I finally got around to watching was Everest, and the following quote from the movie inspired me to write this post: 

“It hurts. It’s dangerous. It costs a small fortune and ruins relationships…why?”

When I heard this, the first thing I thought about was the path to becoming a physician. Technically, medical school doesn’t really hurt, but it has its moments of pain just like anything else in life. It hurts to not perform as well as you would have liked sometimes, and it definitely hurts when you have to miss important life events such as graduations, weddings, etc., but I knew exactly what I was signing up for when I started on this path. When I think about it now though, the application process was what hurt the most for me. Nothing hurt more than dealing with rejection after rejection over a span of multiple years, or having so many people not believe in me and my dreams. So yes, this path does have its fair share of pain, but the good outweighs the bad so much, and I wake up every day smiling and happy to be where I am at in life.

As for the dangerous part, I don’t think many people understand how dangerous it is to be a physician. It’s a lifestyle that involves constantly being exposed to deadly pathogens, having the risk of accidentally cutting/injecting yourself, patients that may physically cause harm to you, and the constant danger of being sued. Plus, it can be a stressful job, and we all know that stress is not a good thing for the body. Personally, I’ve always been a bit of a risk-taker, and I tend to thrive in stressful environments, so I say, “Bring it on!” LOL. Even with every single precaution taken in life, there is usually some risk of danger, so I prefer to stay positive, be as prepared as I can, and face things head on.

As for it costing a small fortune, I really don’t think that needs too much clarification. Unless you’re lucky enough to come from a wealthy background or have multiple scholarships, then becoming a physician WILL cost you a small fortune. There really is no way around it. Not only do I have loans that I will need to pay back from my undergraduate and graduate years, but you can add close to $300k worth of debt to that when I graduate from medical school. People think I am joking when I say that I will probably owe close to half a million dollars worth of debt when I graduate, but with interest rates and such, I’m really not. The good news is that it will all be paid off eventually, even if it takes me decades to do so. I don’t think it’s possible to put a price on someone’s dreams, and for me, this journey is priceless and worth every last penny. Plus, it’s not only an investment into my future, but into my child’s as well.

The last part of the quote about ruining relationships isn’t really one that I can say applies to me, but it might for other people on the same path. I’ve heard that medical students and physicians have a high divorce rate, but I was already happily divorced before I entered medical school, and school keeps me way too busy to pursue traditional romantic relationships anyway. As for ruining relationships with friends and family, I disagree. Most of the people in my circle understand why I can’t be around all the time or why I have to miss important events, so in my opinion, if pursuing my dreams leads to a loss of any relationship, then it really wasn’t meant to be in the first place. It may sound harsh, but I honestly cannot devote my energy to catering to the feelings of people who only want to be around during easy times. My focus needs to be on performing well, so the only relationships worth entertaining in my eyes are those that bring positivity, support, and overall good vibes. 

So as you can see, this quote really hit the nail on the head for me when thinking about this very long (but amazing) journey I have chosen to be on. There is no other path that I would rather be on, and I absolutely love every moment, be it good or bad, so there really is no question as to why I choose to stay on this path. I’m sure there will continue to be moments when I question my decision to pursue medicine along the way (especially when I’m sleep-deprived, stressed out, and hungry lol), but as long as I keep my sights focused on the finish line which includes impacting lives and really benefiting the world around me, then I will continue to climb my medical Mount Everest. 

It’s All in God’s Hands

Happy Sunday!!!! Today seems super fitting for this post :-) Most of you reading this know that I stay pretty busy balancing just about any and everything, but even though it seems like I always have everything under control, there are plenty of times when I feel super overwhelmed and just want to retreat and hide away from the world. For most of the month of September I felt this way, but I was too busy to really focus on it (not sure if that’s a good thing or not, lol). The funny thing is that when I tried to tell people this, they didn’t believe me because I didn’t “look” like anything was wrong with me and I was still handling everything without any issues. Looking back I was pretty much just stressing out for no reason at all, but it still would have been nice to sulk and have someone be my support for a change instead of the other way around.

Anyway, this past week I attended a Christian Medical & Dental Association (CMDA) meeting, and it gave me just what I needed to get back into focus. I don’t know if I’ve ever shared this on the blog, but my absolute favorite bible verse comes from Philippians 4:6-7. It’s what I read before every exam, whenever I feel stressed, and during times when I start to doubt myself. I bring this up because it’s rare that I’m able to attend CMDA meetings (because they usually conflict with other organization meetings that I serve as officer in) and at the start of the meeting a paper was passed out, and my favorite scripture was at the very top of the page! The topic of discussion was “How to Counter Negative Self-Talk”, and it was exactly what I needed to hear because sometimes I can be my own biggest enemy.

In medical school especially, it’s easy to feel like you’re not good enough to be there or that you might fail, but at the end of the day it is important to remember who is ultimately in charge. Although I know that it is possible for us to give ourselves more than we can bear, I know that God will not. My main priority is to work hard and continue to develop my gifts so that I can contribute to the world and one day be a blessing to others. I know that the road won’t always be an easy one, but knowing that I am working towards my calling, and that giving up is the only way I can truly fail, helps me push through. For me, it is important to always keep in mind that everything lies in God’s hands, so I will continue to work hard and let everything else fall in place.

I posted the above picture with bible verses as a reminder to myself to remain positive whenever I start to feel the negativity creep in, but I hope it helps some of you in the same way it has helped me :-)  

Random pic, but I looked really cute on Friday, LOL!

Sooo Many Updates!!!!

I can finally breathe again (at least a little, lol)

I can’t believe it has been almost a month since my last real post! It’s not that I haven’t wanted to blog; I just really haven’t had the time. Fortunately, I’ve finally caught a moment where I can just relax and unwind, so I’m happy to be spending it reflecting and typing out my thoughts from the past few weeks. A few of the experiences deserve separate posts of their own, so I will be typing them out tonight, but sharing them on different days this week.

As for right now, I feel like I have been under a rock for at least the past week (apparently the Emmys were on last night???), and I’m just trying to get back in touch with reality. This morning, I took a major exam and less than an hour after that I was introducing the 14^th Surgeon General of the United States to my school (more on that in a separate post). Yesterday, I not only attended a dinner with the former Surgeon General, but I (along with my co-chair) held the first conference call of the SNMA Osteopathic Schools Committee shortly thereafter, and I still had to study for this morning’s exam in the midst of everything else. Last weekend, I was at Duke University School of Medicine for the SNMA National Leadership Institute / Board of Directors meeting (I will post about this separately as well), and I flew back to Atlanta only to prepare for an exam I had the very next day. I think a few days prior to flying out to North Carolina, I performed my very first prostate and female GU exams on real patients, and in between all of this, I have been in and out of meetings, studying, and attending class. I’m also still taking care of my parents’ dog, and I even managed to play the super mom role and host my daughter’s friend over for an entire weekend not too long ago

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So as you all can see, I have been extremely busy!!!! I apologize for the delayed responses to e-mails, messages, etc., but nowadays it's so easy to get behind on things of that nature. I’m not sure if the workload of second year medical school courses is just extremely intense or if I’m just way too involved, but it feels like I have a lot less free time this year. I’m hoping it is just this term though (we’re currently in Cardio-Pulmonary-Renal), and that things will get smoother as the year progresses. I can’t wait to give more details on all of my recent awesome ventures, so I hope you all will check back in this week for the extra posts I have in store!

Hurricane Katrina Reflections #Katrina10Years

On this day 10 years ago, I remember auditioning for MTV's "Wanna Be a VJ" contest at the Mall of Louisiana, and it was a completely gorgeous day outside. I had just started college a few days prior, so I didn't have a TV or access to the internet in my dorm room yet, but I do remember being confused about an emergency hurricane meeting held that night in the dorms and getting a lot of phone calls from worried family members asking if I would be driving home. Once I finally figured out what was going on, it was too late to leave as contraflow had already started and traffic was jam-packed. I wasn’t too worried though, because I had been through hurricanes before. Hurricane Katrina quickly changed my perception of hurricanes when it hit later that night, and it was hard seeing so many people around me literally lose everything they had. Following the storm, classes were cancelled for a while, and since our campus was one of the few locations in the city with power, I spent the next couple of weeks volunteering at the LSU PMAC where they were flying in victims from the storm on a daily basis. Whether it was helping with triage, sorting through donations, or just talking to people at the center, I tried to help out in any way I could. To this day, I still wonder about a few children I helped entertain, feed, and spend time with while I was volunteering there.

When many people think about Hurricane Katrina, images of flooding and individuals in despair come to mind, but I choose to stay positive. For me, Hurricane Katrina represents resilience, hope, and strength. To witness people lose their family members, personal possessions, and homes, and yet still have the strength to smile and say that it would be OK, really made an impact on me. It was an experience that exposed me to the power of a community coming together, and it taught me to always be thankful and maintain hope, even in the darkest of situations.  

#Katrina10Years 

           

Less Than a Week Until I Start My Second Year of Med School!

One Week to Go Until the 2nd Year of Medical School!

Where has the summer gone?!!!! In less than a week I’ll be starting my second year of medical school, and I’m not ready yet! I also don’t have the finalized class schedule for next week, so I’m still somewhat in a state of denial, LOL. Despite the sadness over my last free summer ending, I am ecstatic that this will be my last year of classroom learning. I seriously cannot wait to start rotations and put all this new knowledge to work. I’ll have to make it through my board exams first though, so I plan on going extra hard with the studying this year and really learning as much as I can in all my classes.

My Daughter and Our New Canine Visitor

In other news, my little one is back home and as happy as can be. I went to pick her up shortly after my last post, and I had a nice relaxing few days at my parents’ house. My mom also somehow managed to convince me to bring back and babysit her dog for a few weeks, so the last week and a half have been very interesting. It’s like having a toddler running around the place! I can’t tell you how many times I have said things like “what is that in your mouth?,” “Why are you crying?,” and “No, I will not pick you up!” Luckily, the dog is two years old and house trained, so I haven’t had to worry about any accidents, but it has oddly reminded me why I only have one child. My nerves are way too bad!

First Day of Third Grade!!!!

That’s pretty much it for now. Despite this being my last free week, it’s already a pretty busy one. I just got back from a meeting, and I have a few more meetings this week with some of the organizations I’m involved in. Plus, SNMA is having a regional conference in Georgia on Saturday that I will be attending, so I guess you can say my free time officially ended last week. So far, the exciting part of this week was yesterday when the little one started her first day of third grade. As you can see above, I just had to take my yearly photo of her :-) It’s crazy how fast time is flying by! I’m definitely not a fan of having to wake up at 6am every day, but judging by how tired I’ve been since yesterday, it will give me a good head start so I can be fully awake and refreshed for classes next week. I’ll be sure to update everyone on how the rest of the week goes, but right now I need to go figure out what to cook for dinner. Until next time!